Monday, March 5, 2012
In the world of wedding planning, stress levels are high, immune systems are low and the number of victims keep increasing by the year, there is no cure. Its been dubbed various clinical names: Multiple Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Temporary Insanity, but in my world, this "illness" is more commonly termed "Bridezilla Syndrome" or 'BS" .
So how do you avoid "catching" the bug ?
I tried reciting a mantra "Zen! Zen! Zen!" (it didn't work), friends tried taking me on spa trips, food trips and shopping trips (enjoyed every bit of it, but it still didn't work). Here's some tips I hope will work for you :
1. Bridezillas are made, not born. Wedding planning is like taking on a part time job (sometimes its full time), the stress of deadlines, demands of the family, the content decision making, managing vendors and the emotional roller coaster you go through, its no wonder you catch the BS bug.
Antidote : Chill out ! Remember the wedding is about two people who are in love who want to be together forever and THAT is what matters. Not the shade of red you want your roses to grow into. Take time off from the wedding, catch a movie, go for a manicure, do something un-wedding and you'll come back with a fresh perspective and in a much better mood. You might even be inspired by what you see in the non wedding world.
2. Everyone has something to say about everything. Among congratulatory wishes, you will get unsolicited advice, bombarded with horror stories and negative vibes from friends and family who think their helping (but their not)
Antidote : Decide what the both (yes both of you, include the groom in the process – please) want and stay centered. Set clear boundaries about what you want and stick to it. Some weddings are for the sake of other people (sad to say) but the marriage is for the two of you , focus on what it means to you. Who cares that your distant cousin has the same flowers for her bouquet.
3. Getting married can stir up a lot of emotions. You'll be surprise at how emotional you can get on and before the wedding day (I told myself that I will not shed a tear, but Nigara falls came climbing down and for a -some would say- stupid reason). The process itself sets forth a period of growth and change that can be nerve wracking.
Antidote : You can embrace this as the next chapter in your journey and realize that it can only get better from here. Try to stay on top of your emotions and be honest with yourself during this time, resolve any unresolved issues and you'll see everything in a much better light. Believe that there is a happily ever after.
4. Wedding planning can be a crisis . There is so much focus on how to make the wedding look beautiful, making the wedding be the talk of town and providing the guests with a party of a lifetime, the bridezilla loses herself and the reason she is getting married in the first place.
Antidote : Remember that the wedding although its the most important party you will throw, it is exactly only that – a party. The reason you are getting married in the first place is because you love each other and want to start a new chapter of your life together. Guests are inspired by the love they feel in the room, who cares whether you had 28 cupcakes which had exactly 28 hearts that are 100% identical.
5. Perfect Wedding = Perfect Life (NOT!), some bride's give the wedding day too much power. They believe that the perfect wedding will mean the perfect marriage and the perfect life. There is an underlying fear that if something goes wrong with the wedding, it is a sign that will make or break the marriage.
Antidote : Step back, breathe. Now look at it from a fresh set of eyes, the wedding day, while important, is only one of the many experiences and memories you will share together. The most important part is when you walked down the aisle into the arms of the person you love (so don't stare at your bridesmaids if they are not standing in a perfect formation)
The bridezilla; is not a mystical creature or even related to the movie icon Godzilla, but beware the bridezilla is a very real and terrifying creature. The sweetest and most understanding girl can turn out to be a bridezilla overnight.
I should know , I was definitely one. Ask any of my wedding vendors, my bridal party, my friends and family they will all agree I was a 100% bridezilla on a rampage during my wedding plans. They shivered whenever I called to ask a question.
The bridezillas natural habitat is the ballroom of a grand hotel, she eats bridesmaids for breakfast and if you tell her that you won't be able to get the right shade of red roses she wants, her icy stare will turn you to stone.
Here are some tell tale signs :
- She wants a shade of "happy" green that only she knows and feels, when you've shown her the 100th shade of green and she still screams that its not "happy" enough, you, by sheer luck show her the very first green shade and she loves it.
- She makes her bridesmaids agree to lose weight for her wedding and then weighs them periodically
- Bridezilla makes you wear gloves to protect the invitations you are stuffing them into envelopes
- She chooses the ugliest bridesmaid dresses in history so that she'll look extra beautiful by comparison
- The wedding ceremony is at noon, but the reception doesn't start until 6pm. Whatever. Its her special day, so everyone else can just deal with it
- Bridezilla gets mad if guests don't dress up to her standard on her wedding day
- Bridezillas were born the day the first bride-to-be asked for the reception venue to be painted to match her colors, the chandeliers to be more cheery and the carpets to match her eyes.
- She demands to have 3 types of nuts in her wedding cake, even though the poor groom is allergic to nuts
- She tried 6 makeup artist (no matter the cost) before deciding on one for the morning and one for the evening.
- Although no one else can see that 1mm discrepancy in the way the branch on her tree is tilted more to the left than the other branch (on her invitation card), she spots it and reprints the entire batch of cards
- She bought, customized and shipped every little detail you can think of from all over the world. From faux diamonds to strew on the tables, to a customized parasol that costs USD 250 just to use for photos, to handmade candies for her candy bar, to even flying the right scent of essential oil just for the restrooms.
- The last but not least easiest way to spot a bridezilla (super fast too), they tell you, “I’m getting married!” – This is the best and quickest way to figure out if you’re dealing with a bridezilla. When they tell you they are getting married, if they never mention their husband, it’s a good sign that she’s a bridezilla. First of all, “she” isn’t getting married,“they’re” getting married. Second of all, “I’m getting married!” is almost always followed by, “I’ve got so much work to do now.” There’s goes that “I” word again. Remember, “Never I, never me, always us, always we” … wait, I mean, “Our marriage, their wedding” … wait, well you know what I mean.
The bridezilla's main aim is (in her terms) to have a flawless wedding, perfect (according to her) to the tee. As a friend, just stand back so that you won't get burnt, as the groom, this is a true test of whether you love her or not, if you can survive this, you can survive anything.
If you have any of these traits you're a BRIDEZILLA - Bless us all ..