Traditions – How far is too far?

Do you know that proper Chinese traditions, the list of items to prepare/ give and receive is a really long, tedious and expensive list?

My Bali wedding is a western style, feel and colored wedding (it’s a white wedding), so I picked my battles and decided to go for an Oriental themed KL wedding that pleased the older generation.

So when it came time to discuss the traditions the parents wanted and would agree upon, I consulted a Tai Kum Che, a Feng Shui expert and a Pick Date Expert. Then had a meeting of two families in a public location, so that everything would be discussed “out in the open”.

In the tradition list there is even talk about 2 real chickens (a hen and a cock) thrown under your bed. The first chicken that comes out will determine the sex of your first-born. Don’t forget the bow and arrow the bride is supposed to carry on the wedding day to ward away evil.

I had to laugh when I printed out the full list of things and I also strong felt that asking for dowry was demeaning to say the least. What amount could you possibly ask from my in laws - Are you selling your daughter off?

Ask for a small sum RM 800 and is that all I’m worth? Ask for a big sum RM 8 million, again is that all I’m worth? I can make that on my own.

So the solution was my mother asked for a basket of fruits and nothing else. Both parents were up front and honest saying what they wanted and did not want. So the issue was settled earlier this year.

Lo and behold, the list has been expanded because of aunts and elders who can’t help lending a helping word or two. But it is still kept to an acceptable request, the funny thing about my situation is not that my parents want more things, it’s that my in laws want to give us more things. They feel that fruits are just too little.

How far you want to take traditions is really up to your parents (I’m sorry its out of your hands, the parents out rank you). My advice have both parents ask around and determine what they want, then have a family meeting to talk it out honestly and this will eliminate mis-communication.

If you DO want to go all the way with having a traditional chinese wedding, get a Chinese chaperone (Tai Kum Che), my motto is if you are going to do it, do it right.