Who Should We Invite?

We often face this dillemma when planning our clients' weddings - in fact, even our own wedding. The dreaded invitation list. Naturally, there's always the if-i-invite-her-i-have-to-invite-her-as-well problem. Or else it is the if-i-don't-invite-him-he-would-get-offended problem. Much worse - the parents' extreme long list of friends and families - granted that they DO have way many more years ahead of the couple.

There is actually no hard and fast rule about who you should or shouldn't invite to your wedding. Some of our clients choose to do separate weddings to cater to separate guests - usually, it is one for the family and one for themselves with close friends (and usually, this one is a destination one!).

When I was planning the invite list with my hubby for our wedding in Bali, it was crucial that we kept the list small as my husband and I wanted to keep the party as intimate as possible. We never started with a huge list because all we did was worked around the following basic questions : 

1) Who do I most want to celebrate this special occasion with?
Ans : Immediate and close family members and friends whom we miss / will miss when we don't see them

2) When I look back at the wedding album, do I really want to see photos of people I don't really know (or care about) at a celebration of one of the milestones of my life?
Ans : No. I don't really want to see photos of people I am not really familiar with or photos of people who would not be jogging good memories when I flip open my wedding album 20 years down the road (well, granted that sometimes, the friendship may go awry after the wedding too)

3)  I don't really want my boss around at this party. Would he be offended?
Ans : Refer to answer for Question 2

4) Do I need to invite business associates / colleagues?
Ans : Only if they are also friends and not just business associates / colleagues - who would be happy for us and our celebration and who would not bitch about the wedding

5) So-and-so has requested to bring his girlfriend. Do I allow that?
Ans : If so-and-so is a really, really close friend / best friend / childhood friend, then a +1 would be fine. (like the time my best friend, Kah Mun got married and she said I could bring a +1, and I ended marrying THAT +1) 

The questions may sound heartless, not politically correct, rude to some even - but at least - it gave us a focus and most importantly, it put things into perspective for us. Let's put it this way - I knew that as families, close friends or best friends or good friends - they would understand when we impose such strict "guest rules" to our invitation (no kids, no unnecessary +1, etc...) and they would be willing to come just because they really do want to be there with you on your special day.

We were one of the lucky ones though - to be able to cater to three separate groups of guests, and some close friends / families who missed us at one reception could opt to come along for the next reception - it does not make them less important. At least we have photos of them in our wedding album :)

So next time, when you do fret over your invitation list - we hope that the above list of basic questions would come in handy. But as always - what works for some, may not work for others.

Have fun planning your wedding!

** Photo of wedding stationery by Kid Chan Studios